Old books and older memories

I have finally begun to unpack some books that have not seen the light of day in over 5 years. It's fun to see them again, like running into someone from high school you haven't seen in a long time. Just handling a book, looking at the cover artwork, running my finger along a scar or stain in the cover brings back memories of when I read the book and things that were going on in my life at that time.

One of the sets I found in a box was the 25th anniversary silver jubilee edition of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. Now I'm sure these books bring up lots of memories for many people. The books are loved by millions of people. My aunt gave them to me the same Christmas my friend Anthony received the first commercial Dungeons & Dragons basic set and these two events combined to spark my imagination and interest in the world around me. My mom even says the books set the pattern for my life to come as I pursued a history degree in college.

Another set of books from the boxes are Michael Moorcock's Elric of Melnibone, Count Brass, and Corum series. These books really generate images of the old, independent book store where I bought these books. It was in the old Lakeland Mall that was on Lake Parker and it had book stacks that went to the ceiling and creaky, wooden floors and the most wonderful smell. Of all the book stores I've ever been in, it still conjures up my favorite images probably because it was the place I bought many of the books I loved in the 80s and early 90s. Sadly it no longer exists as the entire mall shut down.

Then there are other books in the boxes that have triggered sad memories. How to Kill Your Girlfriend's Cat was a book that belonged to my friend Tracy, a friend I knew from kindergarten through my senior year of high school and who I shared an apartment for a brief time after high school. He was the traditional, good-looking quarterback of the football team who had no shortage of female admirers. His girlfriend at the time I was living with him was a nice girl named Kim. She was still in high school, a senior. We had only graduated the year before so it wasn't anything creepy like he was trolling for younger girls or something. She bought him the book as a joke because she had a cat he did not like.

The sad memories in relation to the book are two-fold. One was that we should not have lived together. It cost us our friendship. During school, I had a kind of hero-worship thing for him. He was popular, good-looking, and socially adept and those are the only things that matter when you are in high school. Living with him highlighted how imperfect he was and it really disillusioned me. I haven't spoken with him in almost 20 years. The other sad part was his imperfections in relation to his girlfriend Kim. She was a diminutive brunette, smart, funny, attractive. And she was completely loyal to him. He was not so loyal in return. Tracy slept with any female who stayed longer than five minutes in the apartment. Our neighbor, his brother's girlfriend, girls who followed him home from some party somewhere; there was no shortage of girls who came through the apartment. Kim did not deserve that kind of treatment. And it was hard for me to view him as a friend after that.

Finally making some progress

After visiting the health insurance office twice in three days and spending almost $600 in out-of-pocket medical expenses in a week we're finally heading in a positive direction toward getting bariatric surgery. It was refreshing to get some honest answers out of the insurance company representative. They told us that insurance will cover the hospital and surgeon but all of the pre-certification testing would not be covered so we are saving in anticipation of more expenses to come. And we saw the dietician and got our six month diet plans for follow-up with our primary care physician. Amy has already lost like 10 pounds and I've had to cinch my belt another notch.

Now we're dealing with learning what a normal amount of food for a day looks and feels like. I've been keeping a food diary for two weeks so far to track my daily calorie intake. Most days are ok. I'm already feeling better. My knees do not hurt as much and I can walk around for more than a few minutes without aching. Just losing a couple of pounds have already made a big change in how I feel. I wonder how much better I'll feel after losing 250 pounds. I remember my high school days in central Florida and we used to go all over the place hiking, swimming, tubing, and biking. It would be amazing to feel like that again. And it will be amazing to be able to keep up with Elizabeth. She is so full of energy and is so much fun. I want to be able to climb up on play sets with her.

The one thing I need to be mindful of is not to take the stress of the diet out on other people. And it is stressful to go from not caring or even thinking about what you are eating to having to read labels and measure and weigh your food and realize you've hit calorie limit for that meal and stop eating even if you do not feel full.

Fortunately, it does not take long for the stomach to catch up with the normal amounts of food and adjust. We even ate out last Saturday night and Amy and I each brought half of the meal home for lunch the next day. It was impressive to Amy that I stopped eating and packaged my dinner without finishing it because I always finish my meal.

I'm excited about this process beginning and I'm looking forward to more good things.