Remembering A Happy Life Moment

I had one of those happy life moments that on the surface would seem routine or humdrum but the more I think about it, the more I smile. I want to write it down before it fades.

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend, one of my best friends. It's something we do a couple of times a year. We typically go to the same place, eat the same thing, chat about recent events then part company and go on with our lives. A pattern we have followed for years.

But yesterday the familiar pattern changed. She had been out of town for a conference and needed to catch up on errands, including a trip to the grocery store to do meal prepping for the week. I tagged along because we weren't done talking though she assured me it was just a boring chore that needed to be done to get ready for the week ahead. The boring chore turned into a magical 30-40 minute trip purchasing groceries.

We walked in and grabbed a cart. Two had been smashed together and she lifted on one while I pulled the other loose. A store manager asked how we were doing and we said we were well then made our way towards produce. She had not made a list so she was winging it with ideas for what she might need for the week. A tentative list of meals was sketched out around items she already had at home. There would be 2 grilling nights with salmon and steak and two InstaPot nights around Mexican and Italian dishes. The cart was parked and she flitted around the produce section like a butterfly grabbing green beans, apples, salad kits, and such for sides and ingredients occasionally pausing and changing direction or putting something back and taking a new item. it was a brief but intricate dance around the produce department.

She had steak at home but needed salmon so we moved around to meats. There were some discounted salmon planks in a case but she was unsure if it would be enough. We went around to the fresh caught case and looked at the salmon. The butcher came over and asked if he could help. Silently she paused and then looked at him quizzically for a moment and said she didn't know if the package she was holding had enough salmon to make dinner. The butcher suggested she take the package home and use it to make dinner, if it turned out to not be enough then just have a glass of wine and not care. They both laughed and smiled and she took the package of salmon.

The central aisles were next. A can of beans and a jar of pasta sauce. I discovered that she likes a spicy red pepper pasta sauce but doesn't get it because no one else eats it, an idea I'm familiar with. Continuing through the aisles, we made it to the chip section. This is where the specific salsa she needed was to be found and an extra bag of tortilla chips, just in case. Bags of Poppables catch her attention and I ask if she's had them before. She hasn't and I say they're good, crunchy but not fried. A bag of creamy jalapeno catches her eye for a moment then she puts them back and we continue to dairy.

A couple of bottles of brewed coffee are thrown in the cart as we pass the milk case. I ask why pre-brewed and she says she can't stand the smell of coffee brewing. We turn a corner and head toward cheese and grab a bag of finely shredded Mexican cheese blend for one of the dishes. Then a flash crosses her face as she realizes she has forgotten a couple of things back in the aisles.

Non stick spray for the grilling was passed by so we make our way back to the middle of the store and grab a can of Pam. It's on the top shelf and she stretches to grab one. Then she starts jumping, almost like a rabbit hopping up and down. It's to try to see the price label for the can of spray. I stretch and look and tell her the price, laughing at her effort and how funny she looked for a moment. Another pause and a questioned look. We make our way toward the pasta aisle again, this time for boxes of macaroni in case there isn't any at the house. We find the gluten free section (she has Celiac Disease) and see what's on sale. I hear her story about the Barilla pasta company and their opposition to gay rights and she tells me she is torn because she doesn't agree with the company's policy towards LGBTQ people but they make the best gluten free pasta. I spot a store brand gluten free pasta on sale and she says that's new and she hasn't tried it so she gets a box of elbows and puts it in the cart.

We're done and we make our way towards the checkouts. The manager we ran into earlier asks us again if we are still doing well and we say we are. One last 'aha' moment as she realized she forgot the finely shredded mozzarella cheese for the pasta dish. By now she is tired and her back is hurting and she says it's not worth going back for but I insist and I quickly walk across the store and pick up one last item for her. I return to find her beginning to check out and asking the bag boy to balance the groceries across the three bags she brought in to use so that none of them are overly heavy. We leave the store, cart loaded, and head to her car.

She pops her trunk and lifts the gate. I grab two bags and place them in the back as she grabs the last bag. The cart is put in the return station. We get ready to say goodbye and I tell her she lied to me, that going grocery shopping with her was anything but boring and that it was a most entertaining experience. She laughs at that, maybe with some disbelief, but thanks me for joining her on the stop. We hug, she gets in her car and heads home.

For something so common, so mundane, the chore of grocery shopping with my friend ended up being filled with little, everyday, happy life moments. It was not the boring drudgery she was telling me it would be but she normally does this by herself. I felt privileged to be able to spend the time with her and get a glimpse into a regular, if not exciting, task she does to make her life work. And it may sound stupid or corny but being able to be a part of her regular life and see her brief interactions with other people, her very real puzzling through her thoughts, and seeing her smile and enjoy her own moments of happiness really made me smile. Talking to her and understanding why she made the decisions she did and just getting to know her better in these little ways made for a real moment of happiness for myself that I did not want to lose so I wrote it down to remember. These ordinary events are sometimes what really make life wonderful and worth living. This time with friends matters.

I've Had Better Weeks

This is a day where I should be exited. I'm going on my first trip ever for work to a conference in Chicago. But I'm not. Partly because I don't really know why I'm going other than I fill a leadership role at work as the president of my employee group for the campus. The conference is the annual meeting of the Higher learning Commission and we are in the first year of our reaccreditation process so we are going to learn about changes to the process and how we can work to more easily navigate this process. And I'd like to say I'm interested in the process but I'm not. It doesn't have a lot to do with my job directly or indirectly and it doesn't do anything to improve the quality of education that we provide to students or improve student success as far as I know. I admit I could be wrong because I don't fully understand the process and that may change over the weekend as i attend seminars about different subjects. The one thing I do believe however is that the number one factor in relationship to student engagement and success is putting the student in a class with an instructor that cares about the students success and is engaged with them. Everything else is gravy.

I might feel better about the trip if I wasn't also just getting over having the flu for a week and if we had not been spending all of our free time house hunting without success over the last 3 weeks. We've looked at about a dozen houses and made offers on three of them but have not had any success lately which is very frustrating and defeating for me. I've also put on some weight again and my exercise routine is not a regular and it needs to be. Those are at least some things I can get some control over and actually started doing today. Completed a five mile run today and plan on running thirty miles over the next four days in Chicago.

I think the trip would be more fun if Amy was going but someone needs to watch Elizabeth so Amy is staying home. I may need to take some time away and go do something fun in Chicago like the Field Museum or go wandering around downtown or the lakefront. Either way I'm sure it will be an adventure. I'll work on my attitude tonight and try to get more excited about this endeavor. At the very least I'll have my Kindle with me and I'll get some reading done. That's a positive right?

In Celebration of Gary's Birthday

Kelly Loucks took the Hardest Gary Gygax Quiz in the World and got 50%!



You are a Gary Gygax Swashbuckler. You are cunning in the ways of Gary Gygax. You've probably been to Gen Con once or twice, and if I searched your house, I bet I'd find a Gary Gygax autograph, a humorous D&D-related T-shirt, and/or a stack of Dragon magazines.

Paladin Code: You completed this quiz without using Google.

Here's where you take the quiz: http://blogofholding.com/?p=3082#quiztop

It's Been Too Long But I've Been Busy

Yeah, I know. Only 2 blog posts all of last year. But I've been really busy. We did a lot of travelling last year. Florida, Colorado, and a half dozen trips to Disneyland chewed up a lot of the free time we had and we still didn't travel as much as we would have liked to. Also, changed my exercise routine and started running in September of 2010 and started using the Fitness Center at work to do some weight training. I'm probably in the best physical fitness I've ever been in my life. I'm now running 4 miles at a pop in about 44 minutes, give or take. I don't know if I've become addicted to running but I have become addicted to timing my runs to see if I can do the next one a little quicker. Walking out the door to do it is the hardest part.

And gaming has been good and bad. My regular 4th edition Dungeons & Dragons game has been plugging away regularly with 1-2 games a month and has been a lot of fun. I would love to try running a 4th edition game but haven't found the right group yet. On the other hand, my 2nd edition Dungeons & Dragons game only managed 1 game all of last year. We did get together for a few hours in January already this year and we have a February game scheduled so this year already has more promise. I hope the momentum continues for this game. And I have to thank my wife for putting together a board game group with her friends from work. We started playing light board games once a month last Fall and it has really been a lot of fun. I have gotten some exposure to some new games and got to introduce some of my favorites to a new crowd. We haven't yet gotten into any of my deeper games, like Arkham Horror, but I'm hopeful we'll get to try some of them this year.

I went to my surgeons office on my 2 year anniversary of my weight loss surgery and I have officially lost 286 pounds. Was feeling a little bad that I hadn't lost more weight but my health is so good and my waist line is down to between 38-40. By contrast, I found a receipt in a book last night for some pants I ordered from Sears in 1991 that were size 48 so I'm 8-10" smaller than I was 20 years ago. Nothing to be disappointed in there. Just have to keep working at it.

And Elizabeth has started Kindergarten at Khalsa Montessori School. She seems to enjoy it most days though to is still more a social butterfly and a driven student. It takes a lot of effort to get her to concentrate on her works everyday. Amy pushes her to do 2 reading and 2 math works everyday before she does any arts or crafts. We're also working with her reading sight word books a home most nights. She's getting better and is on the cusp of starting to read on her own. Amy is anxious about her not reading yet but it will come. Again, we just have to keep plugging away at it until it finally clicks for her. She seems to enjoy math and everything else so no worries there.

Well, that's about it for now. It doesn't seem like much for being 9 months since my last post. I know I've missed stuff or could go into more details about our travelling or other stuff we did but it'll have to wait until next time.

Good Times & It Just Keeps Getting Better

The worlds must have had a magical aligning or something because all of the puzzle pieces I have been fretting about over the past few months seemed to have suddenly coalesced. We were able to get together for board games without Ron in late April and then we resurrected the D&D game with the whole crew and had a great session in May. My weight loss is chugging away and I've now lost 290 lbs in 15 months. The new goal for that is 300 lbs by the 18 month mark. And vacation for this summer is taking shape and looks to be fun time.

I was surprised with how everyone came together for the D&D game. A quick escape scenario was run that let characters come back from the dead in a moderately sensible manner and put a couple of quick encounters out to build their confidence back up. Then I ran a quickie adventure from an old Dungeon magazine because I realized the character group was not strong enough to complete their current adventure. Everyone seemed to have a good time and they are all looking forward to more. June will be busy with Amy traveling for work and going on vacation near the end of the month but here's to hoping we can find a weekend that works.

My weight loss slowed down a little in March and early April but has now settled into a pretty consistent 1-2 pounds a week. I try to only get on the scale once every 2 weeks so that I can notice the change. Less time than that and the weight loss is almost unnoticeable on the scale though I am having to buy smaller clothes again. I picked up a pair of size 38 shorts and a large shirt a week ago. It's the smallest size I've been since junior high school. I've also changed my exercise routine. Now I walk a solid 3 miles at lunch and then do 2 stories of stairs on the outside of one of our 3 story classroom buildings on campus. For the 1st 3 weeks I would do both flights of stairs up and down 5 times. It was surprising how quickly I went from barely being able to get up 5th set at the beginning to jogging up all 5 sets at the end of 3 weeks. Now I'm into my 2nd week of 8 sets up and down. I can feel the burn in my legs but I'm still able to jog up and down through 8 sets. After next week I'll probably try 10 sets. All of this will hopefully keep stimulating the weight loss and help get me ready to do the Grand Canyon rim-to-rim hike we want to do next May. I'm really looking forward to that trip.

We kicked off summer vacation last Friday with a concert. Amy and I went and saw Styx, Foreigner, and Kansas at the Dodge Theatre. First time I've ever been to that venue and it was huge. We went with Julie and Michelle and sat in the nose bleed seats but the shows were fantastic. I haven't seen Kansas or Styx in about 12-13 years and both groups were on top of their game. It was sad that Dennis DeYoung was not with Styx but they sounded great none the less. But the real star of the show was Foreigner. I've never seen them before but really thought their energy and crowd interaction was heads and shoulders above the other two bands. It was really their night even though they were the middle band on the bill. We're trying to get tickets to REO Speedwagon and Pat Benatar for July. That would catch me up on most of the bands I wanted to see live all those years ago.

And speaking of trips, we're going to spend 2 weeks on the east coast this summer. Amy has a conference in Washington, DC the last weekend of June and we're going as a family so I can finally see the nation's capital. I'll probably spend most of my time during the day at the Smithsonian and try to see the monuments and the Mall in the evening. For a guy with a BS in history, this trip is a long time coming. When Amy's conference is done we're heading to Florida. Her brother lives in Clermont, a little ways north of Orlando and Disney. It's been 17 years since the last time I was in Florida and I'm really looking forward to being in the land of my youth. I'm hoping to see some old friends and some old haunts. I want to show Amy and Elizabeth where I grew up and some of my favorite places, like Gatorland and St. Augustine. And we will spend an inordinate amount of time at Disney World I'm sure. I definitely want to show them some of the local flavor and destinations. Probably try to get out to Sledg's house in the swamp and take a canoe trip to see some gators in the wild. Elizabeth is so excited to see alligators, I just need to make sure she doesn't jump in with them and get eaten.

So things so far this year are looking up and seem like they're only going to get better. I'm looking forward to what the fall will bring but savoring every moment right now.

Too Long...

It's been too long since I last did this. A lot has happened, or at least it feels like a lot has happened. The one year anniversary of my weight loss surgery came and went and I realized I lost 257 lbs in one year, almost 50% of my total starting weight. We started a monthly routine over the last couple of months where Amy and I have gotten together with my friend Curt and his girlfriend, Jessica, for board and card games once a month. I hope to see that continue. But our monthly D&D game has not yet recovered from the total party kill in October.

That is the thorn I'm wrestling with at this point. I love playing D&D and I really enjoy the social aspect of the game; sitting around a table with friends, chatting about movies you've seen, books you've read, new things going on in your lives. The game is the excuse to get together, the framework or impetus for people to meet and share a like experience. Dungeons & Dragons has been the common denominator for me for almost 30 years.

In my teen years, it wasn't the only thing we did. Weekend nights were for watching movies you weren't supposed to see when you're 12 years old, either on the cable movie channels or VCRs. You'd also be really surprised how much walking around you do at 2am when you're 13 or 14 years old. Any excuse to stay out late and not go home. It wasn't because home was bad, just boring. We were just looking for a little adventure and we may have caused a little trouble looking for it but very little in the big scheme of things. Nothing more than you're typical teenagers I would guess.

And that brings me back to now and the demise of the D&D game. Despite being 40 years old, happily married with a beautiful, vibrant 5 year old daughter I still crave that sense of adventure, even if it is only in my imagination sitting at a dining room table once a month. My life is not really boring but it does sometimes fell routine. But more so than that, I have always been a social person and I am fearful of losing those connections with my friends. I'm afraid that without the common ground of D&D that there will be no reason to get together and spend time with each other, that we will drift apart and not see each other any more. And maybe I can't stop that no matter how hard I try; my desire to keep the game going to keep my friendships alive will not be enough.

But I have to try because I value those experiences too much. Here's hoping March will yield a new game.

Total Party Kill (TPK)

Yesterday, I had a unique thing happen. In 30 years of playing Dungeons & Dragons and 25 years of dungeon mastering I have experienced a total party kill a couple of times and my main character died so many times during my first 10 years of playing D&D that it became a joke. But never had I refereed a game that resulted in a total party kill and that is exactly what happened yesterday with the first encounter of the new adventure we started.

I new the encounter would be tough and I scaled back some of the criteria for monsters. I eliminated the surprise attack round, took away the +1 to hit for the hopping special attack, and always failed my initiative roll so that I attacked last each round. Once things started going badly, I reduced the amount of damage they did with each attack to try to prolong the combat and give the characters an opportunity even the numbers but it never happened. The players could not make enough hits and were plagued by bad dice rolling. I also underestimated the impact of the number of attacks that each individual opponent had and how the damage, no matter how trivial, really added up quick.

The players were demoralized and upset, justifiably. I tried to offer restarting the scenario and ignore the results of the first encounter but there was grumbling that it felt like cheating to ignore the character party being wiped out. Some new numbers were generated for new characters for possibly starting a new campaign but one of the players hasn't decided if he wants to play any more and another doesn't want to invest time in a character if he's just going to die again. The experience was demoralizing for everybody involved and really derailed our afternoon. We were finally able to pull it together enough to play some card games for a couple of hours and salvage some game time but I don't know what the future holds for our monthly game day yet.

Part of the problem is trying to scale the games. Most adventures are created for 4-5 characters and I'm refereeing for 3. I've tried to scale the encounter down, fudge hit rolls and damage rolls and not take advantage of special abilities but I need to figure out how to actually overhaul some of the encounters so they are more appropriately balanced. I haven't dmed in almost a decade which has contributed to some rustiness on my part. And I'm trying to play with 4th edition rules in one game but referee with 2nd edition rules in another game which has created some confusion as the 2 rules sets are drastically different. It would be great to convert the game to 4th edition and focus on just 1 rule set but I'm the only one among that group that has the newest rules and I don't think they are inclined to spend money on new rules, especially because we've only played about 9 times in the last year.

Maybe it's time to start playing board games again.

8 Month Check-up & Life In General

I spent the last 2 fridays meeting with the surgeon's assistant and my primary care physician regarding my gastric bypass surgery on January 29th. Everything seems to be great. I'm down 212 pounds to 309 and I'm no longer considered diabetic with a 3 month post-medication A1C score of 5.4. My total cholesterol is down to 154 and my LDL to HDL ratio is 4.6. Some of my nutrition levels are a little off but improving.

My fitness level is also improving. I typically walk 3 miles a day at least 5 days a week and feel much better physically. No joint pain or any real issues with mobility any more. Emotionally I still have moments where for no perceivable reason I get upset, angry, or depressed. Don't know what to do about those yet but I work through them and try to feel better. Those times are still the hardest part of the post-surgery experience.

Elizabeth started school the tuesday after Labor Day and is loving it. We should have started her in pre-school a year ago but we were worried about the change and we want her to be our "little" girl for as long as possible. She comes home with new information everyday and is starting to recognize letters, numbers, and some words already. I'm very excited for her future.

Amy is in her first semester as a department chair and the experience is not a very positive one for her. She has employees that don't cooperate with her or each other and don't do their jobs. It has been upsetting to realize how unprofessional some people can be. I really want her to find another job at another college. We'll have to wait and see.

My gaming life is not going as well as I would like it to but what's new there. I did run my 2nd edition Dungeons & Dragons game again for the first time since Spring in September and we finally finished the Sinister Secret of Saltmarsh adventure. I've been reading the second installment, Danger at Dunwater, and should be ready to start it this Sunday when we meet again. The 4th edition game that was meeting at Joel's only managed to play 1 game before it fell apart. And the online 4th edition game Joel is running with Maptools and Ventrilo is a lot of fun but still not as much fun as a face-to-face game. I may find myself in a position where I have to get up to speed with the 4th edition rules and try to run my own game. I really like the rule set and have invested a fair amount of money in rule books for the current edition of D&D.

Probably the aspect of gaming I have been most succesful at is collecting and spending money. I now have 24 of the 42 little black books from the original Traveller science fiction role-playing game from the early 1980s. Traveller is a game I did not play very much but is a rule set I really loved and I occasionally check out ebay to see if I can pick up some books cheap. I was also able to pick up a starter set for the new edition of the Dungeons & Dragons miniature game for $0.53 at Borders books with coupons and credits I had. I didn't own it 2 days before I bought my first expansion booster for the game. This collector bug could really kick into high gear if I'm not careful with this game. I need to find a source for some cheap single common minis and get a good collection of core models and try to avoid the new booster packs when I can. It is a game that could lead to some casual weekend gaming and some new contacts if I make the time. I could really use some new gaming contacts.

Well, that's about I think of to report on about what's going on lately. Life is good and things are going well. I could not ask for any more and I am greatful for everything in my life.

2 Month Check-Up

I had my 2 month check-up on April 3rd. My blood pressure was 111 over 75 and I had lost 90 lbs in 9 weeks. I feel great and I’m walking a lot, 3 miles everyday at lunch Monday through Friday. It is still hard to focus on some of my old, idle hobbies like painting wargaming miniatures. This is partly because I still have a nagging feeling that I should spend as much time active as I can squeeze into each day but also the demands of my daughter for attention and play time now that I am more active. Reading is something else that is hard to do, again because it requires me to be still. I need to try audio books when I go for my walks.

My wife, Amy, is where I was a month ago. She is having a love/hate relationship with her dietary changes but is starting to feel better about herself. Her energy hasn’t improved as much as mine at the same time but that is probably due more to stress from work. I hope that levels out for her soon. Amy does use the Wii Fit board for 30-45 minutes of step aerobics and yoga 4-5 times a week because it is not as easy for her to get out and walk at work. She hasn’t lost any significant weight in 2 weeks but she has lost a couple of sizes in clothing and can now wear some new clothes.

Summer should be both fun and challenging. The fun part should be going to see Amy’s family on the big island in Hawaii and meeting up with my mom on her vacation in the 4 corners region. I look forward to being in better shape and being able to move around and see more stuff this summer. The challenge will come from the Arizona heat and trying to stay active in general. Most of the regular exercise I get comes from walking around my college campus and it is already starting to get warm and we are nowhere near June. Heat may become my arch nemesis. I need to come up with alternative strategies for the 100+ degree months.

As a side note, we are playing Dungeons & Dragons again on April 19th. It has been 3 months since we played and the guys seem excited to start up again. I’m looking forward to playing and need to do a little prep work in the next 10 days. I’ve read the adventure 4 or 5 times and know how I’m going to setup the hook. The Sunday night game has been more fun since the surgery and the improved energy keeps me from dozing off during slow parts of the game. I hope the same energy carries over to running my own game and makes it better.

4 Weeks Out & I Feel Fine (mostly)

It has been almost a month since I had gastric bypass surgery and some things have gone well and some things are still a struggle. Last Saturday I weighed in and had lost 56 pounds from my starting total of 521 pounds. Now at 465 pounds, I move better, my feet and legs don’t hurt nearly as much, I feel generally happier most of the time. I also want to be moving more and one of the times I look forward to the most each day is my walk.

When I’m at work, I tend to go for a walk around the perimeter of the campus. I get to see the new construction that’s happening. Spring is well underway here despite it being February. The last couple of days have been in the 80s and trees are showing signs of life, at least the few who lost their leaves. I listen to an MP3 player loaded with some of my favorite songs and walk for a little over 30 minutes at lunch everyday. The perimeter of the campus is about 1.25-1.5 miles and it’s a nice walk.

On weekends I try to walk in my neighborhood. It’s not as easy to do because of the distractions of home life and the requirements on my time. Weekends are busy with running errands and lately Amy has been traveling a lot but that should change soon. We did get to the zoo a couple of weeks ago and that was a good walk. I should try to take Elizabeth more often because I think she really enjoys it too. My typical walk is about a 1.5 miles through our neighborhood. It’s less interesting than the walk at work mainly because about a third of the houses in our neighborhood are in foreclosure. Our neighborhood is not very lively right now.

The hard part right now is still food and surprisingly the hardest part is eating enough. I still do not have any appetite. The nutritionist says I should be consuming between 800-1100 calories a day and most days I’m lucky if I can consume 400. I measure my food into 2 ounce servings and eat 3 times a day most days. The protein shakes and other liquids are another challenge. The protein shakes taste fine when I mix them fresh and they are cold but they tend to upset my stomach. I have only been consuming about 8 ounces a day when I should be consuming about 24 ounces. That would add a couple hundred calories to my daily intake if I can get to that point. And other liquids are just hard to keep up with because of the quantity. My water and sugar-free drink intake should be between 64-96 ounces a day. That means I spend most of my day with a bottle in my mouth so that I can get the minimum amount of liquid each day. It also means I feel full all the time which makes me not want to eat. It’s a nasty cycle to get into.

Most of my mental energy outside of work is spent trying to wrap my head around all of these changes. It’s not always easy and I find myself getting angry once or twice a week. I know that is has everything to do with me and I try not to make anyone else suffer. Trying distractions like painting models and reading have not been working lately because I feel like I need to be more active. I definitely have a sense of restlessness. After Amy has her surgery and is feeling better we may have to spend more time being active. We probably should just for the operations to be successful but I also want to which I haven’t felt since my early 20s. I feel younger just for what weight I’ve lost already. I hope it continues.